Cliche day

"Life's full of surprises."

"You learn something every day."

Both cliches are true, though not always in a good way. I've discovered two important things about myself in the past two days. Unfortunately I didn't feel like yelling "Eureka!" when I realized them.

First of all, I realized that although I've always been a confident person, comfortable with myself in body and mind, my recently declining confidence is directly connected with my unemployed status. It's taken a while for this to kick in because I haven't been completely inactive over the past several months. In fact, I've kept myself busy with hobbies, housework and volunteering. But my self-confidence is definitely feeling bruised now that I've become restless. Part of this is the job hunt. Job hunting is really, really depressing. I know this is a generally known fact, but you don't truly know this unless you experience it. My problems with job hunting is 1.) lack of experience, and 2.) lack of transportation. And transportation is directly caused by lack of funds. Moolah. Dinero. It's a viscous cycle.

This leads to my second unwelcome revelation. I have pride. Who knew? And this pride is getting in my way. Isn't that horrible? It's certainly horribly frustrating for me. The issue that brought this up is desperation. The one thing in like I really dislike is desperation. It makes people do horrible things and make really bad decisions. That and I've witnessed desperate people being taken advantage of by greedy and uncaring people/corporations. I cant' stand that. To me, desperation equals misery. One thing I've always told myself is that I don't what to be one of the masses "...living lives of quiet desperation," as Thoreau wrote. 

In total, I realized last night that although I have a relative that could help me get a job, doing so would feel like desperation, and at the moment I was too damn proud to call my relative to ask for help. Of course, it didn't help that I'd been in a foul mood most of the day. And even worse, I still feel like that a bit. Hopefully this bought of pride will pass me by soon. What with student loans, I really cannot afford pride. On the other hand, I can't seem to round up a lot of enthusiasm for a job at a grocery store.